Some of you may have noticed I added a link for “The Sixteen Commandments of Poon” to my blogroll. Hopefully you have also noticed that the content is offensive and not in keeping with my normal posts. Yes, I come across as bitter and jaded at times, most bloggers do, but I am not one of these guys drinking the Alpha or PUA Kool Aid. (At least, not 100%.) I am edgy but hopefully not offensive. Yet I have a link to one of their posts on my blogroll. Hopefully you are asking why!
Answer: Thinking about these 16 items helped keep me from getting played.
One of the challenging parts of dating is getting emotionally synced with your love interest. Usually one person falls deeper than the other, or faster than the other. And if you are the one deeper than the other person, you are at risk of getting burned. Theoretically, if you play it cool for a while, your love interest will have time to come to his or her senses and catch up to you emotionally. But you have to be realistic in accessing whether they are going to catch up or not. This is when this Sixteen Commandments of Poon becomes useful for me. (Sorry Anna Hart, I know you just threw up in your mouth a little…)
I use it to think-through different aspects of the new relationship to see if it has potential, to see what my risks are, and to see if I am setting myself up to get burned.
Let me walk through an example I had with “H”, in which my spidey sense was telling me I was getting played:
1) Never say ‘I Love You’ first – Grade F . I did not use the L word with H, but I did say “I miss you” in a text. The silence of her reply was deafening.
2) Make her jealous – Grade B: She has shown signs of jealousy. That is a good sign.
3) You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority – Grade C. I was very focused on her. That is pressure to a woman early in a relationship.
4) Don’t play by her rules – Grade C. This is an area where the Alpha Male discussions are valid. Women want a man with backbone. I was too flexible in being accommodating to her schedule. I should have just said “well, we can’t go out then”, and let her wonder what I did instead. I made it too easy on her. It is sick that that these games are played, but it is the way of the universe.
5) Adhere to the golden ratio – Grade F. I am disgusted by myself that I was always the one to initiate contact. And she would literally skip over questions she did not feel like answering. I am disgusted with myself in this category.
6) Keep her guessing – Grade F. She said she was scared and wanted to feel safe, so I let her see all my cards. That takes all the intrigue and mystery out of the relationship. I want her to wonder what I’m doing as she is driving down the road. I goofed this one up.
7) Always keep two in the kitty – Grade C. I really did not take my own advice and juggle at least three like I knew I should. ARGH! I am mad at myself.
8) Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary – NA. I disagree with this. I hate men like this will not be one myself.
9) Connect with her emotions – Grade D.
10) Ignore her beauty – Grade D. I should have tossed in a neg with the compliments.
11) Be irrationally self-confident – Grade B.
12) Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses – Grade B
13) Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little – Grade B
14) Fuck her good – Grade F. The sex wasn’t that good. I did not rock her world as I like to do. I hate condoms. The worst necessary evil on the planet.
15) Maintain your state control – Grade C.
16) Never be afraid to lose her – Grade D.
In walking through the exercise it helped me clearly see that I was more interested in her than she was in me. It became obvious that she was taking me for granted, and that drastic steps had to be taken to regain her respect and restore my man pride.
In short, I made the mistake of doing what she asked and not playing the game. Everyone plays the game. When they trick you into believing they are not playing games, that means you are losing. Such was the case with me, and the Sixteen Commandments of Poon helped me see the error of my ways. Not because I think each item is a commandment set in stone, but because I think each item is an indicator of if the relationship contains mutual respect or not. I will write a less offensive questionnaire one of these days. But for now I suggest treating each item as a point of analysis, not as commandments.