Today I share follow-up thoughts on the bleeding heart letter; the one in which I showed my mangina for the entire world to see. I’m in the mood to soak up so manosphere knowledge, and would appreciate commentors sharing relevant links. I’m particularly curious why so many women think the Jedi Mind Trick will work on me.
ALPHA SMOOTH ASKS BETA SMOOTH
Wasn’t it a waste of time to try to reason with a narcissist?
Yes. The paradox of the letter is that I was asking a narcissist to not be narcissistic and empathize with me. This is like like asking a deaf person to describe sound. Futile.
Then why did you send the letter?
Good question. Theories:
- As is the case with many bloggers, it is therapeutic to sort-out my own complicated thoughts in writing.
- Perhaps I was in the bargaining phase of acceptance and the email was the sad way it manifested.
Aha, but as @LostSailor astutely pointed out, just because you wrote it, doesn’t mean you had to send it.
Correct. There have been many times I’ve written emails and restrained myself from pushing ‘send’. Why not this time?
Last year I decided to take advice from a feminist podcast, of all things. Namely, when feeling burned, instead of trying to be all mature and enlightened about it and continuing a friendship that fucks with my head, I’m just honest. It’s better for me to cut the bullshit, Facebook Block them, and say something like: “Look, I’m in to you more than you’re in to me and now I’m burned. I know I could act all cool and pretend it doesn’t bother me, but I’m not in the mood for that charade right now. I got fucked over. I’m not happy about it. We’re done.”
Playing it cool opens the possibility of being used as a can of beans, so she can put me on the shelf for later. Fuck that, I say. So as long as I’m going out, I might as well get the satisfaction of clearing my mind before I burn the bridge.
But you didn’t say “you burned me, we’re done”. You driveled long emotional shit, which is exactly the wrong thing to do if you want to win her back.
Correct. Not trying to win her back. If I was trying to win her back, I could have used all the PUA reverse psychology stuff. I’d have gone silent and not typed epic length mangina emails.
You shouldn’t have let it get that far in the first place.
Easy for you to say. She was extremely hot and good in bed. She had the tools to manipulate, and I enjoyed being manipulated. We’ve all seen good men get bit by the bug. It was my turn.
More likely than not, these have probably already been covered by someone smarter than me. For example, I’ve written about hypergamy before without knowing hpergamy is what I was writing about. Therefore, I was unable to effectively search the topic on my own. Similarly, I wrote about juggling balls without knowing that spinning plates is what I was talking about. Just yesterday I learned of white blackmail and straw man arguments; terms I’d once known but had long forgotten.
Anyway, point is, I’d like relevant links on the topics below.
Beware the Trends:
I’ve about decided that, at my age (mid 40s), if the woman’s never been married, or if she’s been married too many times, then there’s a huge red flag. I’ve literally had women with four, five, even six failed marriages sit there and tell me how it’s all the men’s fault. Yeah, right lady…have you ever asked yourself what was the common denominator in those marriages?
Likewise, a woman who likes to talk about her abuse stories like it’s her badge of honor is a huge red flag. I’m not minimizing anyone who has been a legitimate victim. But multiple relationships ending in victimization is an indicator that something more complicated is going on. In this last woman’s case, she told a woe-is-me story about being slapped by her former BF. Later, I got out of her that the slap had something to do with a reference to his small dick. Likewise, she’s took jabs at me over my career.
It’s debatable which is a bigger kick in a man’s balls: mocking his dick or career. Regardless, she has a pattern of daring men to slap her. The man who does is fucked, too.
Beware the trend.
A while back I read an incredible presentation on mediation. The successful mediator classified personalities as above. NOTE: He did not claim all people had a disorder. He simply said that everyone’s personality traits leans towards one of the above. (i.e. No one is perfectly balanced.) Once identified, it becomes easier to understand and motivate them.
Based on my experiences since the seminar, I’m a huge believer in his system. Except anti-social, I’ve dated all these types. Extreme narcissism is rare with women, which is why I failed to identify early in D.
Why Do I Dig Crazy Chicks?
Apparently I’m attracted to crazy chicks. I typed sappy emails with the narcissist and stupidly played White Knight with the histrionic. But borderlines are like crack to me. Like sailors to sirens, I can’t resist their song.
It is hard to escape the fact that I have chemistry with crazy chicks. What does this say about me?
- My former therapist said I’m attracted to women who feel emotion and express emotion since my ex-wife did not.
- Another theory is that, like most men, I’m a sucker to play the White Knight. It boosts my male ego.
- Another theory I have is that histrionics pair with anti-social, and borderlines pair with narcissists. If borderlines are like crack to me, then this would indicate I have narcissistic traits. And, in this post, I have literally typed a fake interview with myself about a personal situation that nobody should really give a rip about. I’d say here’s a hint.
There is a certain personality type that speaks in generalities only, and will avoid specifics. I would like to learn more about people who do this. Don’t know where to start if anyone has an idea.
Jedi Mind Trick
I’ve repeatedly experienced a phenomenon where women say something factually incorrect and expect me to accept it. It does not rise to the level of gaslighting per se, but I’m sure it would if I didn’t nip it in the bud immediately. For this text conversation:
HER: Ha! Nice pic! I wasted the day with a much needed nap. I didn’t take B to his dads so I’ve got him for the night. We are about to go get a new phone — his was dropped one too many times.
ME: Does that mean I’m not going to see you as planned? This the third time I’ve asked.
HER: That is correct. You’ve asked once. But thanks for the understanding.
Actually, I’d asked FIVE times. The fact that she flaked on a date to take a nap and go phone shopping told me exactly where I stood. But why would she say I’ve asked once when my phone is in my hand, and I’m looking at our conversations that just happened? I don’t know what they are thinking when they expect me to fall for the Jedi Mind Trick like this. Has anyone written about this already?