Eleven random facts about Smooth:
1) I wear Crocs. I know they aren’t cool but I do it anyway. No, I haven’t given up on life. They are comfortable and dry fast. Screw you world, I know what you think and I’m wearing them anyway. In public.
2) I am scared to dance. Mortified. It is a major problem with dating. I would need massive quantities of recreational narcotics before I could summon the courage to dance.
3) I originally went to therapist for marriage counseling. I ended up being diagnosed with adult ADHD. I never suspected, because I’ve never been accused of being hyperactive. Turns out ADHD is a shitty name because many people do exactly as I did and falsely assume they don’t have ADHD since they aren’t hyperactive.
4) I recently started taking Aderall as result of #3. I wish I knew about this shit in college.
5) Not only do I wear Crocs (see #1), I also wear digital watches. I know they aren’t cool but do it anyway. I’m totally going to get a Pebble.
[Getting sexier by the minute aren’t I? “By the minute”…get it?]
6) I’ve recently rediscovered Martinis. I like mine stirred, not shaken.
7) I made terrible grades in school with writing. I struggled mightily. In fact, I don’t think I could gotten through college without spellchecker. (Good ole Wordperfect baby!)
8) Despite #7, I have written blog posts (on different blogs) that get more views in a week than this entire site will get in several years. I have also been published in a book. A real book. Big whoop I know, but due to #7 this was a significant achievement for me back in the day. It turns out editors can always be hired. Therefore, having something to say is more important than the intricacies of grammar.
9) I really like women’s fashion. I don’t know beans about it, only that I like it. You’ve probably seen my post on my eyeglasses fetish, but that is only the beginning. I like scarves, shoes, Silpada jewelry, dresses, jeans–there’s just something about a woman that has her own look that gets to me. Lately I have been really really intrigued with the neutral colored lipstick look…it is sexy to me.
I always loved Easter, because that is the day the ladies break out their new spring dresses.
The problem is, I am not capable of explaining why I like certain things and don’t like others. I certainly can’t give someone advice about what to change–I just know when I like the end result. For example, Post Modern Single posted a picture of her new leather jacket a while back. For a week this picture appeared on the sidebar of this blog, and I drooled every time I saw it.
There is an endless supply of boobies and porn available on the internet, yet here I am looking at leather jackets. I’m not sure if that makes me creepy or not. It is not really about sex, although that leather jacket is damn sexy.
Actually, as I type this post, I notice that one blogger deleted a comment I made on her boots. So apparently at least some people consider my appreciation of women’s fashion to be creepy.
10) I have big feet.
11) All this talk of “11” reminds me of Spinal Tap.
To be continued...