Alert! Incoming friend-zone missiles!
- Let’s just be friends
- You are in the friend lane
- You’re not ready yet
Few things create more panic in a single man’s soul than the dreaded friendzone surprise attack. We would much rather be dog cussed, slapped, and beaten than to emasculated with the dreaded “let’s just be friends” speech.
Being friend-zoned happens to most of us. In this series I will arm you with countermeasures to help you survive the dreaded friend-zone missile attack.
First, let’s discuss how you end up in the friendzone. There are three main reasons why women will unleash a friendzone attack. Let’s take a look at each.
NOTE: This article does not apply to men who didn’t make a move early. Not making a move is an entirely different situation and will be discussed in a subsequent post. This article assumes you at least kissed her on the first two dates.
Reason #1: SHE’S JUST NOT THAT IN TO YOU. In this case, when she says let’s just be friends she really means I’m not interested. This could be due to many reasons outside your control, such as she is more interested in someone else that got to her before you did.
Reason #2: YOU WERE TOO NICE. Yep, it’s not widely published yet, but scientists now believe women’s natural immune systems have evolved to defend against happiness. If you are really into her, and tried too hard to make her happy, then her inner defense mechanisms kicked in and dumped you like a hot potato. That doesn’t make sense you? Dude! It’s billions of years of evolution! You can’t fight that! You aren’t going to be able to reason with evolution!
Seriously, how can being too nice be a problem? It’s the same reason you lose interest in women who put out on the first date. That is what you wanted wasn’t it? Well then why didn’t you call her the next day after you got exactly what you wanted? Your feelings changed because you are a person. People are people, and people are stupid. There are many sayings that express this phenomenon: Familiarity breeds contempt, law of diminishing marginal utility, too much of a good thing, be careful what you wish for, etc. etc…Bottom Line: You make her every wish come true and you are screwed Jack. You should have given her just enough to keep her coming back for more as opposed to more than she could enjoy at once.
Also, women like men with a backbone. They just don’t admit it.
Reason #3: BUYER’S REMORSE. Buyer’s remorse is an emotional condition brought about by a lack of confidence in a major decision. After she buys in to you she will second guess whether she made the right decision and crawfish on you. [*Crawfish is a cajun expression for backpedaling…as in, claws raised up ready to pinch while defensively walking backwards.] Especially after she tells her friends, as women friends have a way of fertilizing the seeds of doubt already buried in her mind.
Don’t panic! This is actually good. Her head and her heart are conflicted. You have made progress on winning her heart, but her head is worried because she has been burned in the past. In hindsight, she can now see all the warning signs around her ex, and she is kicking herself for not being able to see them sooner. Now she is worried that she is making the same mistake again and not seeing the warning signs with you. Again, this is all about her lack of confidence in making big decisions.
Unfortunately, you probably won’t know why she is trying to friendzone you at the time of surprise attack. Let’s examine what’s in it for you (WIIFY) if you accept her invitation to be friends under each of the reasons listed above.
WIIFY IF SHE’S NOT INTO YOU. If you take her for her word and try to be friends with her, you are only going to annoy her. In her eyes she tried to let you down easy but you can’t take a hint. Every attempt you make to spend time with her only makes you look like a pathetic loser. What’s left of your man pride being is being sucked away with every failed attempt at contact with her.
WIIFY IF YOU WERE TOO NICE. She is banishing you to the friendzone because you were too nice. Now she is going to take away sex and exclusivity and you are going to do what? – Be an even nicer, more understanding guy? If she demotes you because you were too nice, what do you possibly have to gain from being even nicer? If you keep doing what you are doing you are going to keep getting what you are getting.
WIIFY IF SHE HAS BUYER’S REMORSE. This goes against conventional blogosphere wisdom, but here I will admit that if you are patient with her, and become her friend, it is possible that she might, with time, overcome her emotional insecurities and let you out of the friendzone and back into the bedroom. Notice I said that is possible. It is not, however, likely. Nor smart. And I would ask you this: Even if you could get back into the bedroom by patiently waiting for her to come back to her senses, is this really a wise precedent to set? Do you want a partner who can can flip flop you from bedroom to friendzone based on how she is feeling without consequences?
It is critically important that you understand that the expected results of being friend-zoned are NOT GOOD in any of these scenarios. If the thought of being friend-zoned does not frighten the ever living shit out of you, then you are not ready to learn the countermeasure tactics. You must understand what is at stake first.
Tomorrow I will share with you my method of countering a friendzone attack, that leaves your man pride in tact, and increases the odds of getting back into the bedroom regardless of the reason behind her cruel attack.