Steak or Threesome Part II: The Steak

IMG_6841Today I continue the story of the time I chose between a steak or threesome. Click here to start at the beginning.

BAMBI

One day, Thumper is at a social function and texts me that she is getting flirty vibes from a fellow soccer mom named Bambi. [Code names obviously.] I texted Thumper back and instructed her to tell Bambie she wants to introduce her to a guy she’s been dating, and ask if she will come to dinner at her house to meet. I’m thinking I am F-ing brilliant. That is a subtle enough invitation to not spread any salacious rumors, yet strange enough that Bambi should have a clue as to what our real motive is. If Bambi accepts the invite, we have a chance.

Thumper asked. Bambi accepted. Guess who is coming to dinner…

PERSONALITY PROFILES

aeroThumper started getting excited about the prospect of Bambi coming over and potentially having playtime. I will remember this for the rest of my life: Thumper and I were looking at pictures of Bambi one day, talking about the upcoming dinner. Thumper gets this ravenous look in her eyes as she is looking at the computer monitor and says, ” I would peal that Aeropostale shirt right off of her!” The excitement in her voice and raw desire in her eyes when she said it….SHIT! She was excited! She was as excited as I was if not more!

The fact she was wearing an Aeropostale shirt should tell you much. Actually, both Thumper and Bambi wear those tight Aeropostale shirts. First, they are too old to wear Aeropostale shits, for that brand is more age appropriate for their daughters. Yet they do wear them, so that screams mid life crisis, which in turn screams sexually adventurous. Second, the fact that they CAN wear shirts like that, and look good in them…in fact, look so good in them that your first thought is how nice it would be to peal those shirts off of them–should tell you much about how they look. Not many moms can pull off that look and be damn sexy doing it.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

Thinking about all this boosts me into full out obsessive go mode. I’m counting the days, hell the minutes, until our big dinner date. All I had to do now was take care of the minor detail of convincing a respectable mother, namely Bambi, to sleep with a fellow soccer mom while I watch then later participate. As far as we know she thinks she is coming over to have dinner and nothing more. And jumping to conclusions about her personality based on a picture of her in an Aeropastale t-shirt is sketchy at best. Yet somehow Thumper and I had to cleverly seduce her to participate in our sick little game…(Que theme music from Mission Impossible...)

Enter the Steak.

THE STEAK

I obsessed over every detail of my elaborate plan. I scripted the whole thing out. (Which, as you will later learn, was not the best way to go.) If things went according to plan, Bambi would be so charmed that she could not say no to any proposition we made, no matter how indecent. A key detail of the plan was the steak. I was going to cook the best motherfucking steak that woman had ever put in her mouth. Every decadent bite of that steak was going to be like shooting pure aphrodisiac right to her clitoris.

I went all out on this steak. This wasn’t going to be some manly ribeye. This was going to be delicate Filet Mignon for a lady–so tender it could practically be cut with a fork. And not just any Filet Mignon my friends, but corn-fed, top shelf, class A, Filet Mignon. No fat or gristle, for ladies do not like that. These steaks would cost a small fortune but would be worth every penny if the plan came together.

I would top the steak with my secret sauce that only few have had the privilege of tasting. These steaks were so good many people wouldn’t dare to cover it with a sauce, for fear that might mask the scrumptious flavor of the the best fillets the world had ever seen. But those people have not tasted my sauce, my sauce only adds to the flavor, not masks it. This was going to be like an explosion of titillating delight in her mouth!

And how would I cook these marvelous steaks? Thumper owned a gas grill. A gas grill for these glorious steaks? “Never!” I said. We will not commit steak sacrilege by cooking such marvelous cuts of meat on a lowly gas grill! I will accept charcoal and nothing less! So a new charcoal grill was purchased for the sole purpose of cooking these steaks. The steaks that would help us seduce the gorgeous unicorn named Bambi.

To be continued

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3 thoughts on “Steak or Threesome Part II: The Steak

  1. Pingback: Steak or Threesome: Which Would You Choose? | Smooth ReEntry

  2. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part III: It Begins | Smooth ReEntry

  3. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part IV: Chevron Six Locked | Smooth ReEntry

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