Steak or Threesome: Which Would You Choose?

This is not one of my philosophical questions du jour. Today I will tell you the story of how I had to choose between a delicious steak or a threesome with two beautiful women. I’m not joking–I literally had to choose. For realz.

I know! A gut wrenching decision right? I mean, that is a hard choice for a man to make on the spot! Read on to find out how this strangeness came to pass.

BACKGROUND

Guys like me don’t get the opportunity to do threesomes very often. This is crazy shit for me. You must understand that I am a regular, middle-aged, square, white guy. I’m not wealthy. I’m not famous. I don’t do drugs. I don’t swing or swap and never have. I don’t have any piercings or tattoos. Never have. I’m telling you that I’m a regular ole suburban Joe that mows the yard and watches TV on the weekends. If anything I am something of a nonathletic geek complete with a beer gut.

Again I emphasize: Guys like me don’t have opportunities to do threesomes!

We only read about other dudes who do.

THUMPER

The only thing I have going for me is that I am trustworthy. Chicks dig trustworthy men after they’ve been played. When their hearts are bleeding because some player has used them, that is when women turn to guys like me. That is when they appreciate the value our stable lifestyle and trustworthy character!

Such was the case with my bi-curious friend who we will code name “Thumper”. Thumper is a consummate professional and dedicated mother. Like many women in her position, she did the things she was supposed to do for so long until something snapped in her middle age mind. Something snapped and she decided it was time for her to have some fun. Luckily for me, for a brief period in time, she took me along for the joy ride with her.

Thumper decided that it would be fun to give me the ultimate straight guy’s dream: The elusive menege a trois. Better known as the Female-Male-Female threesome.

Geez, well okay Thumper, I guess I will go along since you twisted my arm…

UNICORN HUNTING

unicornWhat I didn’t know then, but would soon learn the hard way, is that finding a woman to join a couple in the bedroom for casual homoerotic sex is not as easy as it sounds. Little did I know that there are thousands upon thousands of couples out there who are actively seeking the same thing.

In fact, ladies, if you are reading this and your husband is pestering you to try a threesome, go head and agree. Instead of arguing with him about it, just go head and agree to do it. The odds are very slim that he will be able to pull it off and find a clean, attractive, height-weight proportional woman to join you. Indeed, women like this are so hard to find that they have the nickname of Unicorns. They are given this nickname because they are mythical creatures that very few mortal men have ever seen. Some believe that the Unicorns very existence is only a myth.

It is said desire is the mother of invention, so with some creativity, ingenuity, persistence and teamwork,  Thumper and I were able to find a potential unicorn. Enter Bambi.

Okay, actually we just sort-of got lucky with very little skill of our own. But come back tomorrow and I will continue the story

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14 thoughts on “Steak or Threesome: Which Would You Choose?

  1. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part II: The Steak | Smooth ReEntry

  2. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part III: It Begins | Smooth ReEntry

  3. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part IV: Chevron Six Locked | Smooth ReEntry

  4. Pingback: Streak or Threesome Part V: They Kiss | Smooth ReEntry

  5. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part VI: Torn | Smooth ReEntry

  6. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part VII: Gloating | Smooth ReEntry

  7. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part VIII: C-3PO | Smooth ReEntry

  8. Pingback: Steak or Threesome Part IX: Epilogue | Smooth ReEntry

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