The Woman Who Was Scared to Climax

Today’s question du jour is: why would a woman be scared to have an orgasm?

Last night was my third date with a woman that has “exclusive” potential.

How much do I respect her? Well, I slept in her bed last night and she did not touch my cock. Generally speaking, that is a red flag for me. It is reminiscent of games that were played in high-school while making out on your parent’s sofa. In my book, that shit doesn’t fly for people in their 40s—at our age, you either decide you are having play time or you aren’t. Trying to compromise with in-between measures screams sexual inhibitions that I am trying to avoid. Yet here I am. Still interested.

Do. Or not do. There is no try.says the great Master Yoda. That is generally my belief in how things should progress sexually for middle aged people in the modern world. But this woman has some deeper inner turmoil going on that I have yet to understand.


This is what I know: many women have been burned after falling too fast and too hard for a guy they’ve had sex with. (Oxycontin receiving most of the blame, but women falling for good lovers is hardly a new discovery.) I understand falling hard for the wrong guy is a painful experience most women want to avoid repeating. Being gun shy makes perfect sense. The fall-too-fast experience is pretty much standard baggage most women come with to one degree or another.


This woman has something going on that is deeper than the standard gun shy issues. Last night I fingered her, she was soaking wet and was easily brought to the brink of an orgasm. Twice. But she stopped me both times in sort of a panicky moment of pure terror.


I asked her why she stopped me when she was about to cum and she said she was scared and wanted to feel safe. I probed what she exactly meant by “scared”, thinking maybe she had sexual abuse in her past. No skeletons there as far as I can determine. Nor was I doing anything aggressive or dominating that would make her feel unsafe or vulnerable.

When I pressed her more on exactly what she meant by being scared and wanting to feel safe, she said “because it is intimate“.


I know the male and female brains don’t think alike. But correct me if I am wrong on this–We are sleeping together in her house, our bodies tightly pressed against each other, with my hands exploring her entire body especially her private parts. I think the intimate ship has sailed. If she went that far why the hell would she stop before the climax?

That is like running the Boston Marathon and quitting the race three steps before the finish line. Why run the race and be scared to break the tape?

Something obvious is going on here that I can’t see due to Y chromosome interference. Somebody please translate for me. I need to have a handle on what is going on before we reach the five date mark. I’m thinking she might be worth an exception to the five date rule but want to understand WTF first…


7 thoughts on “The Woman Who Was Scared to Climax

  1. Based on my own experiences, my first guess would be abuse of some sort in her past. I know she denied it before but she just may not be ready to disclose it yet.

    Or maybe she’s a pathological tease.

    Is she a virgin???

    • Not a virgin, but very short list for a woman her age who has never been married.

      Funny story: Turns out we knew each other in our early 20s. When that dawned on us it was pretty funny. (We met via OKC.) We laughed about how I didn’t spend much time around her back then because of her virgin vibes. Too sweet and innocent has never done it for me LOL.

  2. Update: She spent the night again, this time at my place. More of the same. Not only is she making me stop right before she climaxes, but I also am not getting any action. So at this point we have spent hours petting and I have yet to have an orgasm. Taking and not giving sexually is a major red flag for me. Looks like this one is going to be chalked up as a great match in every category except sex, but that is a dealbreaker for me. Damn.

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