How to Date a Trekker Survival Guide

Yesterday we discussed the difference between a Trekker and a Trekkie. Today I will share some pointers on how to date a Star Trek fan. This article assumes you want to know enough to hold his or her interest, and want to have some social grace around this group. But I am also assuming that deep down in your soul you do not care about this science fiction BS, and you just want to know enough to get by. I am going to give you a cover so you can survive a date and impress your Potential Upgrade.

HOMEWORK

This is what you need for the basics:

YOUR COVER

Be aware that there is an incredible amount of Star Trek material out there: books, TV episodes, other movies, fan movies, etc…There are reference books on this stuff for nerds who are really in to it. You don’t want to go there. You just want to know enough to survive the first few dates. Therefore, here is your cover: you like the original series but aren’t a huge fan of all the other stuff.

Say it with me, “I like the original series but I’m not a huge fan of all the new stuff”.

Right there you have preemptively saved yourself from having to discuss this stuff more than you want to.

2009 REBOOT MOVIE

If you are asked what you think of the 2009 Reboot movie, your response should be that you thought it was okay, but that they were callous in their use of black holes and showed a complete disregard for physics.

Don’t ask, just do. Star Trek 2009 = too frivolous with use of black holes. Remember that and you will be fine.

PHASE II

If you want to pleasantly surprise your geeky date, you can say that you kind-of like Star Trek Phase II. Star Trek Phase II are fan episodes that are actually pretty damn good…if you are a Trekker that is. If you are a trying to date a Trekker, just toss “Phase II” out there to impress him.

Be warned: A hard-core Trekker might fall in love with you upon using the term “Phase II”. They might not like Phase II, but they will be so impressed that you know of it their hearts will flutter. Use at your own risk!


WHEN TO BAIL

If your date has business cards with this letterhead, you might have a problem.

Think back to an organization you have been part of–it can be any organization. You know how there is that member that is a little too gung-ho? The one that is a little too passionate? The one that takes it upon his or herself to speak for everyone in the group, when they don’t realize that they are so out on the fringe that they do more harm than good?

Star Trek is the same way. Except Star Trek’s cult fringe is like 30% of the group, instead of a few outliers as in a normal organization. You have to be on the look out for these and know when to bail. I would say 1 out of 3 true Trekkers have completely lost touch with reality. You want to get away from those who have crossed this line. (Unless she might do a threesome–then you might need to stick it out.)

Your date might take Star Trek too seriously if he doesn’t find this picture funny as hell.

Signs your date has gone too far:

  • They have a leadership position in a “Federation” club.
  • They actually think a world without money would be better.
  • They think it is important for you to learn all the Star Trek contradictions.
  • If they want YOU to dress up for the convention. I mean, if they want to dress up that is fine. But insisting you dress up—I don’t know about that (unless you get a threesome out of it).
  • They do not see the humor in Galaxy Quest (Star Trek Parody movie).
  • The movie Trekkies offends them.
  • They speak Klingon.
  • They have a website like this
  • Their apartment looks like this.

These are all red flag signals that they have lost touch with reality and signs that you should exit the relationship as soon as possible (unless you have a chance for a threesome). Also, as nerds, they can probably hack your computer and ruin your life fairly easily, so it is probably best to be nice about it when you dump them.

Now go out and find that geek! And if he or she has a hot sister, would you mind setting me up?

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2 thoughts on “How to Date a Trekker Survival Guide

  1. Pingback: Trekker vs Trekkie | Smooth ReEntry

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