And Then It Hit Me: I Married Rainman


I don’t know what category I should create for posts like these. Whine and Cheese? Pity Party? Bitch Sessions? — I think I’ll go with Bitch Sessions.

Today’s Bitch Session started when I tried to do the polite thing and let my wife keep her cell phone on my account. This allows her to use a shit load more minutes, shit load more data, and shit load more texting for a cheaper price than she could ever hope to get opening her own account.

Rather generous of me. Right?

Wrong! It was fucking stupid of me. 18 years of futility and I still haven’t learned my lesson.

I will not give you the play-by-play, but the gist is this: My phone bill is what it is. You can add it up under 5 different plans and feature combinations, but the bottom line is going to be within $15 no matter how you add them together. I know, because as a result of my wife’s bitching, I took the time to spend hours on the phone with AT&T, hours on their website, and looked at every possible combination of features to make her happy.

DROPPED WHAT I WAS DOING–and I had important stuff I was supposed to be doing–because she wasn’t happy. Why did I do this? Because I am a total fucking dumbass. She wants to fly Qantas from the US. Can’t be done. Yet I continue to try to try to find a way to reason with her.

The bigger question is, when I am supposed to be focused on moving forward with my life and looking after my own ass, why do I work so hard to try to make her happy when I know it can’t be done? It is the ultimate act of futility. Why do I take hours out of my day to try to earn her approval, when I know she will never be happy? How many zillion times does this have to happen before I learn my lesson?

She is relentless. “Lead, follow, or get out of the way” the saying goes. But that is her contribution to our relationship; to stand in the way and bitch about things not being perfect.

When I bitch about it it doesn’t sound that bad. But it is so relentless. It wears you down and suffocates you. If I could come up for a breath of fresh air every once and a while I would be fine. But she is relentless. There is no fresh air.

She will always punish me for the way the world works. She will always pressure me to fix things that are beyond my control to fix (ie, how much cell phone service costs!). I am a fucking idiot to not learn my lesson.

If you keep on doing what your doing, you are going to keep on getting what you are getting. She is impossible to make happy and yet I keep trying. I have been a fool. I am so mad at myself for taking this long to see the truth. And now that I do see it I continue to try in vain.

It is time to reattach my balls. Enough is enough. I am like Tony Soprano trying to make his mother happy. I married some Livia Soprano Rainman woman and am too fucking stupid to escape.

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