Introducing the Relationship Matrix (RM 4 of 4)

Here is the Relationship Matrix you have been waiting for. This is a relationship evaluation tool you can use to quickly analyze a situation and find out where your relationship stands. Do you have hope for the future? Are going to be mind fucked? Should you go out with Tom, Dick, or Harry? This tool should help you sort-out your thoughts. Click Here for a prettier Word document.

What he is to you
What you are to him  No Commit Trade In Upgrade
Upgrade 1) Stage 5 Clinger 2) No harm 3) Synced.
Trade In 4) Fire Alarm 5) Mutual 6) Bail
No Commit 7) Potential 8) User 9) Stalker

1)  Stage 5 Clinger – You are a potential upgrade to him. He is No-Commit to you. This means you have fallen in deep way before him. You are probably acting like a Stage 5 Clinger. Get your shit together.

2)  No Harm, No Foul –He is a trade in to you, you are a potential upgrade to him. Low risk.

3)  Synced – You are both getting to know each other. Move forward slowly.

4)  Fire Alarm—You are about to get burned. Broken heart imminent. Stock up on Kleenex.

5)  Mutual Users – You are both using each other in a transition relationship that has no future. Perfectly acceptable.

6)  Bail – He is potential upgrade for you. You are trade-in to him. Cut your losses and move on. Find a new potential upgrade that has a higher opinion of you before you get any deeper.

7)  Potential – You are both stuck in “no commit” trying to figure out what the other is thinking but scared to be the first to put your feelings out there. One of you needs to break the awkwardness and discuss being exclusive or even use the “L word”.

8)  User – He is in deeper than you. You are using him even though he adores you. When you break up he will call you a player and you need to be a big enough person to take his venting—because he is right. You played him and burned him.

9)  Stalker– He is in head over heels for you and you barely know the guy. Buy a security system.

Here are some super high-tech, HD / surround sound quality videos illustrating how to use the Relationship Matrix.

EXAMPLE 1

EXAMPLE 2

EXAMPLE 3

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6 thoughts on “Introducing the Relationship Matrix (RM 4 of 4)

  1. I feel the “What you are to him” should have different labels than “What he is to you”. For example, “backburner”, or “second-string” instead of “trade-in”. It would be more intuitive that way.

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  5. Some of these are intuitive, others are not. Also, I could be wrong, but I don’t think these are all possible combinations. For my own relationship I suppose Mutual Users would fit best out of the options…but I’m unsure of what the “no future” part means in an 8 year relationship (no marriage?). Also, I was basically a virgin* when we went from being regular friends to FwB, and he’d been out of a relationship for months, so I don’t see any immediate transitioning going on.

    The “upgrades” part is confusing too. Is this only speaking in a financial way, or does it take into account someone who may not have money but is a wonderful lover or is emotionally stable/non-manipulative? Those are even more important qualities than simply having funds!

    *I knew a lot about sexual things due to abuse via my stepfather, but had never had PiV sex before my FwB.

    • I think the relationship matrix could have better labels all the way around. Labels are difficult in the world of adult dating. (Hay! That would be a great blog post!)

      Anyway,”upgrade” does not refer to financial status. Lately, there have been many discussions that actions speak louder than words. But sometimes it is hard to make yourself see reality through the charade. The relationship matrix simply tries to identify the person into one of three categories:

      Here is the post where I define the types of men: http://wp.me/p2Pdiy-av

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