Now that I have listed the four types of men, I am going to modify Deliberately Delicious’s original question and ask how many men should you you juggle at one time? Obviously, this question relevant for the ladies who are still in search of The Full Package. Let’s take a look a common situation.
1
First, let’s assume there is a Mr. No-Commit in the picture. You have to be honest with yourself: Is there a guy that has his chance and isn’t taking it? The one that doesn’t act jealous the way he should? You restrain yourself from calling him too much, but when he calls you, you compulsively answer with excitement. He is your kryptonite. You are not strong enough to let him go. He has you on the hook, either emotionally or physically, or both, and you can’t get away. Every time you think you have broken free he comes back in the picture.
Sound familiar? Then you’ve got yourself a Mr. No-Commit in your life. Mr. No-Commit counts as one person you are juggling.
2
Now, Mr. No-Commit tends to disappear for days at a time without letting you know where he is. In order to not go batshit crazy waiting for the phone to ring, you have Mr. Trade-In to help keep you distracted. There is nothing wrong with having the safety of your friend to fall back on. He is like that tub of ice cream you keep in your freezer; you take him out when you need some comfort food.
More than likely, if you are honest with yourself, you have a Mr. Trade-In in your life too.
Many women stop here. They think two men are plenty to juggle. Hell, you only want one man, why the hell would you mess with two?
The problem is that neither of these guys has a future. I mean, if you are strong enough then sure, you should let them go and focus your efforts on finding someone that might turn into The Full Package. But most women can’t do that. You all have a hording instinct and don’t want to let go until you absolutely have to. (Men are the same but different.)
I have yet to meet a woman strong enough to break away from Mr. No-Commit and Mr. Trade-In before they have something better in hand. They will rationalize and do mental gymnastics to claim that the relationship is “just friends”–or whatever they need to tell themselves–but usually, once I learn about their friends, it doesn’t take long to figure out who the Mr. No-Commit and Mr. Trade-Ins are in their lives.
3
While in marriage purgatory I have talked to several women who are in this exact position. My advice to them is to stay focused on Mr. Potential Upgrade. I understand it is a pain-in-the-ass to get to know someone new. For this reason, it is easy for Mr. Potential Upgrade to be the one that gets left out. However, this is the one you should be focused on rather than the other two. At least with Mr. Upgrade there is a chance that he could turn into The Full Package. With Mr. Upgrade, there is a chance the relationship can develop into something bigger, better, and brighter. By contrast, with Mr. Trade-In and Mr. No-Commit, their relationship potential is already maxed out. Their ceiling has been reached.
One thing is for certain, if you keep on doing what you are doing you are going to keep getting what you are getting. Don’t get stuck in a rut with Mr. No-Commit and Mr. Trade-In. Make yourself juggle Mr. Upgrade as well.
CONCLUSION
Remember, the ultimate goal is finding The Full Package. In order to accomplish this, a typical single woman should juggle at least three men. They are:
- Mr. No-Commit, because you are too addicted to let go.
- Mr. Trade-In, because you need him to ease the pain when you are jonesin for Mr. No-Commit.
- Mr. Upgrade, so that you have hope for the future.
Ladies, don’t get stuck in a rut with no future. Although it is a pain to do, make sure Mr. Upgrade is one of the balls you are juggling.
Can you honestly say you are keeping a Mr. Upgrade in the mix?
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Hi, I’ve just found your blog and I love it so far. I am writing a book called Mr Wrong and am collecting stories from women who have had encounters/experiences with Mr Wrong. For the categories please see my post The Many Shades of Mr Wrong http://dingdongitsmrwrong.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/the-many-shades-of-mr-wrong-mr-loose-eye-mr-dreamer-and-mr-parasitevampire/ and The Wrong Types of Relationships http://dingdongitsmrwrong.wordpress.com/2012/08/13/the-wrong-relationships/ Mr Wrong is a ,”humorous but also insight explroation into why some women repetedly attract Mr Wrong and how to set out on a path to Mr Right.” I am also looking for some witty online dating disaster stories if you have any. Please spread the word. I would love to hear your stories! 🙂
Oops I made the mistake of thinking you were a woman. I woudl love to get a male perspective? Please check out my site and have a look at the male perspective section. http://dingdongitsmrwrong.wordpress.com/share-your-stories/calling-all-men/
Interesting perspective, Mr. Smooth. Here’s my five cents worth: if they’re serious about finding a relationship, then women need to drop “Mr. No Commit”. It’s not going anywhere. I spent nearly three years in a relationship like that. It was amazing and hot and it completely messed me up. Now if a guy contacts me and then disappears for a few days, I am extremely wary. If it looks like a “No Commit” pattern, I am out of there so fast!
I think the real issue is whether we’re actually serious about finding someone. The “Mr. Trade Ins” are perfect for those of us not ready for a real relationship. They pose no threat, because we know we can hang out with them and not risk falling in love. (See my summer sailing series!) And as long as we’re clear and honest, then I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. (Odds are, we’re serving the same purpose in their lives…)
Finally, the “Mr. Potential Upgrades”: for a woman who is not ready for anything, these guys are way too threatening. They’re nice! They treat us well! We can rely on them! Too much potential to hurt us. Move on.
But I’m standing up as the girl who removed Mr. No Commit from her life (please do not contact me under any circumstances) and who avoids others in the same category like the plague. And when the summer ended, so did the liaison with Mr. Trade In. I’m not juggling men. I’m seeing where things go with “Mr. Possibility.” But that’s only because I’m ready.
Your image, by the way, is hilarious!
Thank you for your wise comments Ms. Delicious. You are stronger now because of your experience with Mr. No-Commit. So perhaps you are strong enough now to do what most women can’t, and that is cut ties with Mr. Commit (“please do not contact me under any circumstances”–AND meant it [assuming]) before you have something else in hand. But I suspect there was a time during that three year period where you should have been juggling a Mr. Trade-In and Mr. Upgrade at the same time as Mr. No-Commit. It would have kept you grounded so that the highs with Mr. Commit were not so high and the lows were not quite so low.
Ironically, men want what they can’t have, so refusing to put your life on hold is your best chance of turning Mr. Commit into the Full Package. Economic laws apply in relationships. By giving a monopoly you get less of what you want at a higher price. Therefore, NEVER give Mr. No-Commit a monopoly. [assuming some of this was happening during that 3 years.]
By the way, don’t think you are immune to Mr. W turning into a new Mr. No-Commit. Not trying to be a buzz kill–just keeping you grounded. Keep juggling for now Ms. Delicious. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Just my two cents.
Disclaimer to all: juggle is not synonymous with sex in my mixed analogies. Especially so in Ms. Delicious’s case.
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