Now that I have listed the four types of men, I am going to modify Deliberately Delicious’s original question and ask how many men should you you juggle at one time? Obviously, this question relevant for the ladies who are still in search of The Full Package. Let’s take a look a common situation.
First, let’s assume there is a Mr. No-Commit in the picture. You have to be honest with yourself: Is there a guy that has his chance and isn’t taking it? The one that doesn’t act jealous the way he should? You restrain yourself from calling him too much, but when he calls you, you compulsively answer with excitement. He is your kryptonite. You are not strong enough to let him go. He has you on the hook, either emotionally or physically, or both, and you can’t get away. Every time you think you have broken free he comes back in the picture.
Sound familiar? Then you’ve got yourself a Mr. No-Commit in your life. Mr. No-Commit counts as one person you are juggling.
Now, Mr. No-Commit tends to disappear for days at a time without letting you know where he is. In order to not go batshit crazy waiting for the phone to ring, you have Mr. Trade-In to help keep you distracted. There is nothing wrong with having the safety of your friend to fall back on. He is like that tub of ice cream you keep in your freezer; you take him out when you need some comfort food.
More than likely, if you are honest with yourself, you have a Mr. Trade-In in your life too.
Many women stop here. They think two men are plenty to juggle. Hell, you only want one man, why the hell would you mess with two?
The problem is that neither of these guys has a future. I mean, if you are strong enough then sure, you should let them go and focus your efforts on finding someone that might turn into The Full Package. But most women can’t do that. You all have a hording instinct and don’t want to let go until you absolutely have to. (Men are the same but different.)
I have yet to meet a woman strong enough to break away from Mr. No-Commit and Mr. Trade-In before they have something better in hand. They will rationalize and do mental gymnastics to claim that the relationship is “just friends”–or whatever they need to tell themselves–but usually, once I learn about their friends, it doesn’t take long to figure out who the Mr. No-Commit and Mr. Trade-Ins are in their lives.
While in marriage purgatory I have talked to several women who are in this exact position. My advice to them is to stay focused on Mr. Potential Upgrade. I understand it is a pain-in-the-ass to get to know someone new. For this reason, it is easy for Mr. Potential Upgrade to be the one that gets left out. However, this is the one you should be focused on rather than the other two. At least with Mr. Upgrade there is a chance that he could turn into The Full Package. With Mr. Upgrade, there is a chance the relationship can develop into something bigger, better, and brighter. By contrast, with Mr. Trade-In and Mr. No-Commit, their relationship potential is already maxed out. Their ceiling has been reached.
One thing is for certain, if you keep on doing what you are doing you are going to keep getting what you are getting. Don’t get stuck in a rut with Mr. No-Commit and Mr. Trade-In. Make yourself juggle Mr. Upgrade as well.
Remember, the ultimate goal is finding The Full Package. In order to accomplish this, a typical single woman should juggle at least three men. They are:
- Mr. No-Commit, because you are too addicted to let go.
- Mr. Trade-In, because you need him to ease the pain when you are jonesin for Mr. No-Commit.
- Mr. Upgrade, so that you have hope for the future.
Ladies, don’t get stuck in a rut with no future. Although it is a pain to do, make sure Mr. Upgrade is one of the balls you are juggling.
Can you honestly say you are keeping a Mr. Upgrade in the mix?