Seven Halloween Observations

As I sit on the sofa after another successful year of trick-or-treating, I offer seven random observations from the Halloween evening. Note: The images are linked to their sources in most cases.

1) Coolest Jack o’lantern setup ever.

I’ll bet Disney didn’t come up with that! ( ZING! )

2) My Name Is Earl?

Here are the actual thoughts that processed through my brain this evening as I watched a young woman walk up to my door to trick or treat:

  • You know, if you can’t stop texting and look up from your phone long enough to say trick or treat, then you are probably too old to be trick or treating….
  • …She is texting so much she probably has an unlimited texting plan, which I don’t even have.
  • MY KIDS certainly aren’t acting that way.
  • In fact, none of the kids from this neighborhood are acting that way.
  • In fact, none of the kids from this entire country are acting that way.
  • I’ll bet she is Mexican.
  • She kind of looks like that chick from My Name is Earl.
  • She DOES look like the girl from My Name is Earl.
  • Okay, she can have some candy….

When she got to the door I said, “Here darlin’, you get you some good stuff. Push those LaffyTaffies aside and get you some Snickers.”

Men truly are pigs.

3) Mad Scientists — Keep away from my dog!

For the first time in my life tonight I saw a Corgen–which is a cross between a Golden Retriever and a Corgi. My reaction was the same as the first time I saw a Bassador. Both of these hybrid breeds have the retriever heads…and the little Corgi legs. It is not right. When they look at me I can hear the retriever in them crying “WHY? Why? Why did they do this to me????”

4) Hard work pays off

This young lady lost 87 lbs and shared her weight loss journey in her blog. GOOD FOR HER! Her hard work has paid off and she looks damn good. Just be careful flaunting your new found physique Little Red Riding Hood….those Big Bad Wolves might follow you home…

5) Question: What costume is this?

Answer: Who gives a shit!! Look at her!

6) Halloween is the time to slut it up.

In all honestly, Kim Kardashian really does repulse me. Her and Paris Hilton both disgust me. They truly are the poster women for everything I despise about shallow, materialistic, envious American culture. I practically break out in hives when they are on TV. However, I am not blind. And you have to admit she looks pretty fucking good in that genie costume. I fucking hate the bitch and even I have to admit that this is a HOT picture.

7) How about a little eye candy for the ladies?

Here you go ladies. Just the eye candy you ordered, right?

My apologies…In the interest of keeping the few readers I have happy, I really did try to find some eye candy for the ladies. But it seems that Halloween is a sexist holiday where the women dress up as sexy sluts, nurses, genies and the like—and the men dress up as ghoulish zombies. Sorry. I tried.

Oh, I’ll tell you what, I throw in a picture of a vampire just to make it up to you. Here you go:

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